How a Pregnant Lady (AKA: Me) Almost Got Arrested at Costco

Costco visit #1,973:

I was walking around in good spirits, grabbing the staples before the babies arrive and just picking up my last item, a 6 pack of chicken broth, which just happened to be located behind a guy serving up chicken soup samples.   

 Now, I LOVE the sample workers at Costco, for many reasons but mainly because they usually supply me with a full meal by the time I am through at Costco.   

Well, today I had lunch before I went to Costco and maybe that really pissed off the chicken noodle soup sample guy or maybe he is just an idiot.  But as I walked gracefully with 40-50 lbs of love protruding from my midsection, 

I said:  “Excuse me, I am going to scootch in here and grab some chicken broth if that’s okay” 

And Chicken Noodle Soup Sample Guy responded with:  “I don’t know about scootch, but WADDLE seems more correct” 

And that is where I broke his face.    

Okay, I didn’t really break his face physically, but I did so mentally along with a mental middle finger extended as I briskly walked away. 

So thank you to the Trader Joe’s ladies that told me in the same day that they cannot believe I am having twins any day now (I’m 37 weeks) and thank you to my family and friends who tell me how great I look.  Even if you are all lying, I appreciate it & I am mentally giving you millions of golden kisses =)

A letter to Dolce & Gabbana

A letter to Dolce & Gabbana:

Dear Dom & Stef,

I just want to tell you Thank You.  Thank you for making a controversial statement on why you find children of non-tradition family building techniques “synthetic”.  You have provided an opportunity for an extreme amount of public support showing how much the world really cares about medical intervention when it comes to building families.

While I may not agree with your statements and I acknowledge that your intention was not to support family building in what you consider the “non-traditional way”, you have likely contributed positively in the following ways with your stated opinions:

• You have opened the door for more conversations about infertility which impacts 10-16% of our population.

• You have enabled those facing challenges with infertility and family building to identify with others that support IVF, Gay Adoption and other non-traditional family building techniques like Elton John, Ricky Martin, Courtney Love, Alice Evans & the thousands of non-famous tweeters who have proudly posted photos of their “synthetic” families.

• You have saved people money who don’t really need to save money by getting them to boycott your products.   As a result, I think we may see some of that money contributed to charities and fund-raising efforts that support non-traditional family building.

You see Dom & Stef, the result of stating your opinions has already been a great benefit to me.   While I don’t have to worry about boycotting your products (because I do not buy them anyway),  your statements left a lasting impact on how lucky I am to be in a community that supports non-traditional family building.   As I went to yoga this morning, I was able to talk to my beautiful IVF babies in my belly and tell them how much I love them and thank them for picking me.  

So I am sending you two a big fat THANK YOU with kisses all over it.  Thank you for reaffirming that I will never have to worry about explaining to my family why I spent a ridiculous amount of money on a Dolce & Gabbana product when I owe them money for my frivolous IVF expenses.

Now you may want to go and hire a publicist to help prevent further damage to your business.   And according to Elton John, you may need to hire some new designers as well ;)

Long Overdue

Yesterday I went to visit my old co-workers for lunch and then walk
around the office a bit to say my hello's.  I was chatting in the
hallway with one of my old work fav's, Martha - who also happens to be one of the most quick witted & sarcastic ladies around. 
In mid-convo, another old co-worker came up to me and committed at
least 3 of the "Things you never say or do to a pregnant lady" sins
within a 30 second time span.  



The final of the 3 sins was my favorite:

Her: When are you due?

Me: Mid-April?

Her: And you are already this big?

Oh,
bless her heart....she's over 60 so she gets a pass too.  I could not
make eye contact with Martha for a solid minute after this happened. 
She stared in wide-eyed disbelief of the train wreck that had just
happened and it was all I could do to not pee my pants....seriously, I
had to go to the bathroom so bad!

 

I was looking for a
funny video to share about things you don't say to a pregnant lady but
came across this instead and I got a big kick out of it.  Although I am
sure my old co-workers miss me bunches, at least they won't have the
opportunity to endure the following: